Nest

Over the past week I have experienced the return of Jonathan, the departing of him to the Bahamas, the return of him (once again), lovemaking, fighting, kicking, crying, utter bliss, beach days, a painful eye doctor visit,and the final goodbye kiss.

After about two days of non-stop crying in hysterics and staring into the popcorn ceiling next to a flickering lavender scented candle, I feel as though I've exited that wild passionate person I used to be. I feel so ready and confident for whatever I need to be ready and confident for.

While I sit here, on my bed in my new condo with my bookshelves, and wandering corners, I can just feel that things are changing. I am changing. And, for once in my life, I am adjusting to change, and I am taking to it with positive thoughts and belief in myself.

And you know what, it feels fantastic.

la casa mia

Beth and I have officially moved into our new condo and what an experience it is so far. I'm not quite sure if its happy or sad. I guess melancholy for lack of a better emotion. On one hand I miss the safety and sanctuary of home...Not having to worry about payments, rent and utilities. I miss my family and knowing they were always somewhere in the house. Then on the other hand ots nice having my own home. A place that I can say is mine. So the feelings are mixed. I guess thats normal when you move in for the first time.

Here is a peek:




our lovely dining/living room. complete with febreeze and futon.




Jon and Beth rather exhausted from the stormy day of moving mattresses.



wine and dine!



So with the new move and Jonathan being home for break, I must say a lot of interesting things are happening in my life. Jon has been away on vacation in the Bahamas (JEALOUS) so I've been keeping busy and trying to work on some new material. I have written a few short scenes here and there for a couple ideas for stories. I must say, not my best work, but everyone hits those writers blocks sometimes.

With school beginning next week--mainly taking fiction writing and literature classes, I am sure something will spark. It's like the health inspector at work, it comes when least expected.


I've been really into this band called The Weepies lately. You can hear some of their music here:

Also i'm extremely obsessed with Oren Lavie, and his beautiful stop action video to "Her Morning Elegance". I may be rather late on finding this video, but I can't stop watching it.




Have a lovely day :)
A

i don't know you, but i love you..

The Virgin Suicides...
reading it now, and I am hypnotized by it.
The bitter sweet melancholy swimming through my thoughts...

The Postmarks "Let Go"

On and off and
on and off
the light switched places
with the shadow
and we lost power?



peonies are my new favorite flower



but i also love dandelions, they are so fragile..

the like poem

I like you
Sometimes in black and white
usually at night.
I like the pictures you make me,
they show up at perfect times.
They make me want to press my lips
to your sternum.
You make me want to come up from below.
also i want to bake you cookies.
I don't really like that girl you
used to date...
I like her hair,
but her generic style makes me cringe.
I especially like how when you think of her
you legitimately want to vomit.
I really like the way you hold me
just so I can breathe you in.
I also enjoy eating bagels
with shmear.
--with you.
I like how you
accept my veri baad speling errorz.
I like your beard,
I like your lips,
I like your fingertips.
I dig your style,
it's so come se dice....."Fleet Foxes?"
i want to take a million photographs
of you and send them to myself in the mail
so i can open them and smile every time.
Seattle.

I like you
like i you
you i like
uoy ekil i
oh hey.
i like you.


Je T'aime, Paris...
e tu.

open owl face

I am attempting to get myself together, as far as school goes. i just sent off my transfer application to FAU. I went there two years ago so I'm hoping they will embrace me with open owl arms. If I am accepted I will have only about a year or two in order to receive my Bachelors in English Literature. That sounds so good, and feels good to say. So I am currently praying I am accepted. I plan to move out as soon as possible.

I've been having obscure dreams about what could be if all goes well for once in my life. I also realized I need to trim my hair. My locks are getting long. I always sort of dread cutting my hair. It's so sacred to me. I know they are dead cells, but I cherish them as part of me. So whenever I have enough dough I will have to go through that Hell. Oh, and mother and I are fighting again. What else is new in a young girls life? 21 comes with it's negatives..
Things are a little tough for me right now. Mainly out of uncertainty. I hate not having a straight answer. Please let the relief come soon.
On top of it all...
I miss Jonathan. More than I ever thought I would. Things are quiet now that he is so far away. Though we speak constantly on the phone or through skype, its not the same. I miss the warmth! Counting the days to see his beautiful face once again.
<3

the super stone

I dream in silk. I don't like to dream in cinder blocks like my closed-minded com padres. Although--silk can stain...but blocks can break. Still, I'm just happy I dream. That's pleasure enough for me.
Have you ever realized you spent a portion of your life in auto pilot? My feet took me somewhere new. I follow where my legs take me most of the time. In other words, I mainly just take what like throws at me. Even if it's something massive and destructible. Anyway, i like that I followed my toes. These babies can now bask in the glory of a hard and lonely search for human connection.

I came across a stone on the beach the other day. Not a shell but a stone. I instinctively picked it up and washed off the grainy sand in the water. But then I thought to myself, I just got so much joy out of finding this stone, I cant take it and risk some other person, with my odd taste in smoothly shaped Florida stones, not discovering it. So I placed in back in the sand where it belongs. I hope you find it.

Also, it sometimes feels like winter even though I know it's not..