walking on your hands

Today I decided things would change in my life. I have cleansed my soul of all of the things and people who were contaminating me. As painful as it is and was to let go of some of those ties, I understand that in the end, I am what matters.
A lot is going to change in my life, and I am so happy for it. I have never felt more good about a change as I do right now. I feel like a giant stone has been lifted from inside my heart. Like I can fly, I can pray, I can be myself again.
When you put yourself too much into another, whether out of love or some other kind of motion, you loose yourself in the process if your partner doesn't compliment you back.
And that's what a lover should do. Compliment you. Not in words and affections, but in life. Only bring you higher....not lower.
I have seen the potential in myself as a person. And although i am far from perfect, I'm better than what I was when I was in love with a ghost.

"So make your siren call
and sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say.
Cause i need freedom now
and I need to know how
to live my life like its meant to be."

-A

what i think about you right now

One day my eyes opened.
and I saw you
and
My life has been better
ever since.

Ed

Here are some photos of my kitten Edmund. He is a real find.

All my friends are in Bar Bands

Oh my blog, how I have neglected you so.. Things have been rather intense for me lately. With my emotions sometimes taking over too often, and having to triumph over situations I never though I could overcome.

In the last 3 weeks I have endured some of the most overwhelming experiences I have ever personally gone through. My life has been full of stress, Literature analysis papers, Ernest Hemingway, laying on the bathroom floor in tears, seeing old friends, making new ones, learning how to be a cat person.

I have created three really bad works of art on canvas, one great-great poem and four mediocre short stories. I have sent some postcards and received as well I never knew the feeling of opening your mailbox and seeing a postcard addressed especially for you, from your greatest love who is currently far away. It's actually up there with opening a fresh can of paint, or biting into a freshly baked peanut butter cookie, or the smell of the a new book as you crinkle back the first page, or my cat purring on my chest.

These past few weeks, i have proven to myself that I am able to achieve happiness through suffering. Maybe those Buddhist know what they are talking about..

I have been prett down, just so much stress, but I'm gonna look up.

Artists I've been inspired by lately:
The Wonder Years
Rachael Yamagata
The National

stranger than fiction

My Fiction Workshop class makes me feel like all the work i have done to get to my Bachelor's was well worth it. I am finally in the right place.

thank god for the L word..

Nest

Over the past week I have experienced the return of Jonathan, the departing of him to the Bahamas, the return of him (once again), lovemaking, fighting, kicking, crying, utter bliss, beach days, a painful eye doctor visit,and the final goodbye kiss.

After about two days of non-stop crying in hysterics and staring into the popcorn ceiling next to a flickering lavender scented candle, I feel as though I've exited that wild passionate person I used to be. I feel so ready and confident for whatever I need to be ready and confident for.

While I sit here, on my bed in my new condo with my bookshelves, and wandering corners, I can just feel that things are changing. I am changing. And, for once in my life, I am adjusting to change, and I am taking to it with positive thoughts and belief in myself.

And you know what, it feels fantastic.